Honest and Authentic Friendship?

As the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree so is the fruits of a man to those of his friends. Friends are people who become family, confidants, cheerleaders, prayer partners and our trusted dear once who most of the time they are not connected by blood relationship though, sometimes family members can also be friends. Today I want to talk about friendship. I term friendship as either healthy friendship or unhealthy friendship and also I will endeavor to explain the major qualities that holds friendships together and makes them beneficial in our lives.

Healthy friendship is one which brings about growth and development and seeks the improvement of the other person unhealthy friendship is selfish which seeks it’s own gain. For instance a friend who cheers you to your new goal, aids you in being the best, brings out the best in you versus a friend who is only interested in friendship when it is of benefit to them either emotionally, socially or financially. People who are in your life because you can fund their flamboyant lifestyle but they don’t care when you are in need of help. Healthy friendship seeks growth, development and improvement while unhealthy seeks to satisfy self and self alone when self is not in the picture they don’t want to be involved. Ask yourself is your friendships healthy or unhealthy. Are they genuine or just superficial to satisfy their needs or your needs. Healthy friendship are deep rooted in care, honesty and authenticity. Unhealthy Friendship are rooted in competition, selfishness and jealousy.

Here are a few qualities of a good friendship: Care. A friend cares for the welfare and wellbeing of their friends. This comes naturally and it doesn’t have to be faked by social media emoji of fake tears when one is in deep water. What do you do when you friend is in trouble do you just assume they will just get out on their own or do you seek to understand how you may be of help to them and providing relief for their troubles. For instance when your friend is in serious mental drain do you seek to patiently listen to them or do you provide a quick fix to their problems so that they may get out of the way of your busy lifestyle. The friendship like David and Jonathan as explained in the bible should be sought after which is deep rooted in brotherly and sisterly love. As Martha Goedert once said “if you want to go fast go alone but if you want to go far go together.”

Honesty. In friendship we all need that person who will tell us both the good and bad. The good for motivation and bad for improvement. An honest friend will speak the truth even though they know it will hurt their dear one, but it will also be beneficial. Someone who only praises but never gives negative reviews will only lead you to utter ruin since praises leads to pride and pride comes before a fall. But praises seasoned with bitter truths about your life, your fears, your failures and weaknesses will only bring reflection and self improvement and it will foster confidence to face those hard truths and fears. Honesty could be painful and even lead to fading off fake friends but it will be beneficial in the bigger picture. It is hard for a friend to give negative feedback but when you get them analyze and sieve through what to take or not it could come from a point of they really want you to be a better person or malice. It is you to know the difference.

Authenticity. This is the best quality in friendship that makes them last lifetime. Being able to be yourself, being genuine with your fears, allowing yourself to be vulnerable in friendship creates a bond like no other. Ask yourself am I being real or this is just a face of me. This is raw friendship without masks. This enables an individual to share the deep secrets, fears, joys and achievements without fear of being judged. Most people don’t achieve this level of friendship for fear of what would the other person may think of them. Be real, be genuine, foster authentic friendships in others by allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Most people fear getting to this stage because of past hurt by friends. You may never get lifetime real friends if you live in fear of your past. Tell you fears to back off and allow yourself to be real with real people. Others don’t cultivate these friendships because of past betrayals . Allow yourself to heal and then choose friends based on the character you want them to have.

Lastly, be the friend you have want in others. If you want a genuine, kind, compassionate, caring, honest friend start by being one as like attracts like. You will attract who you are. Choose to be that authentic friend.